Dear AnnaSophia,
Mommy and Daddy prayed for you and
we were so happy to learn that God was forming you in my tummy. We had been
told that it would be hard to get pregnant on our own, but God had a plan for you to bring Himself glory and He didn’t care what
the doctors said. As soon as we learned of God’s work I was filled with
fear. I knew that I could not control what would happen to you and it’s always
a little scary to have to completely trust that God will work things together
for good. God was so gracious though and
He taught me that if I surrendered your wellbeing to Him then He would fill me
with peace…and that is just what He did.
Even though
I knew that God was in control I wanted to do my part and make my body as
healthy as I could. I wanted to prepare a safe place for you that would help
you to grow big and strong. I wanted to make sure that the little part that I
played in your being would be to the best that I could. I started eating all
kinds of good foods, even when I didn’t want to and I continued to exercise to
keep my muscles strong so that I could bring into the world completely natural.
Through
much prayer we decided that we wanted to take the risk of paying for a Birth
Center instead of going to a hospital. There was a little more fear in my heart
over this decision, because there was no guarantee that we wouldn’t have
complications and end up at a hospital anyway. But we felt that this was the
best decision for our family and for you.
Looking back I now see that God was at work. We developed deep relationships
with our Midwives and they played a huge part in making your entrance into the
world so special. We also attended a
class to prepare for birth and that is where we met Cathy, our doula who loves
the Lord and was there to support mommy while she was in labor.
 |
| Mayanne and Jo Anne our fabulous Midwives! |
After
months and months of anxious waiting, mommy found herself starting to fear
again. You were getting big and you were “overdue” and even though I had
prepared myself for all those things, I began to doubt that you would ever make
it here. Again people prayed for me and
for you and God worked in my heart, reminding me that He knew you and that He
had formed you and that He would bring you out in His time. I had to accept that if things didn’t go as I
had planned, if for some reason at 42 weeks I had to go to a hospital and be
induced, then that was okay. I trusted God and His plan, because you are
His and we are just stewards of you while we have you.
God was
faithful and you did come! Exactly 1 week after your “guess date” you made your
appearance. It was one of the most
beautiful days of my life and the Lord was there beside us as we welcomed you
into the world. I had been having light contractions the day before. It was
a Saturday and Daddy and I had spent some time at the gym. I mostly walked and
rolled around on a yoga ball, hoping to encourage your little noggin to get in
just the right place. I had been trying all sorts of natural ways to help you
out, though I am sure you would have done just fine on your own. The
contractions continued all day Saturday, but they never hurt and they were never
consistent. They were just enough of a hint to let me know that you were on
your way very soon. I went to bed as usual and woke up at 6:20
and knew this was the day. The practice contractions had developed into
real contractions and they were strong enough to keep me awake and they were
coming roughly every 6 minutes. I decided to wake daddy up at 7:00 and we
rested on the couch together and watched TV. We didn’t want to get overly
excited, because we learned that adrenaline slows down labor and we knew we
would need to be rested when things stated to pick up.
I lost the plug that was keeping you in around
7:50 so I knew that things were progressing. Our friend, and student midwife
JoAnne came over around 11:00 and let us know that I was 2 cm dilated, which
was encouraging, but I knew there was still a long way to go. We
let our families and close friends know that you were really on your way and
everyone started praying again. There were at least two Church Families that
prayed for you during their morning worship service.
Our friend Cortney came over to bring lunch
and comfort me after Church and just as I had laid down to get my back massage
I had another contraction and this one was accompanied by a Pop! I managed to make it to the bathroom with
out making mess all over the floor, but it was clear that my “water had broken.”
Jo Anne came
back over and said it was time to head to our birth center so she called
Mayanne, our midwife, and we started packing. My contractions started to pick
up and I wasn’t very excited about the car ride ahead of us, but once again God
was gracious and as I labored in the car and hugged my pillow I even managed to
get some rest between contractions.
Once we made it to the Birth Center it was time to get down to
business. Your Daddy was the best birth coach; he never left my side! I
started in the Birth tub, since water birth was my ideal birth situation, but
the water was too cold and my contractions and shivering together were too
violent. Through the next several hours mommy labored all over our birth room;
laying on the bed, on the birth ball, on the birth stool, on the toilet, in the
shower and daddy was right there to give me water or food or chapstick. He even
squeezed my hips through contractions to take some pain off my back. At one
point he shivered in his swim trunks as I hogged all the water in the shower.
He was definitely mommy’s hero that day!
The contractions were strong, but they never were more than I could
handle. God was ministering to my soul the whole time showing me His beautiful
plan in childbirth. He had designed my body to grow and bear life. As I
would get a contraction my body would adjust to that level of pain and after a
while it would get a little stronger, then my body would adjust to that pain
and it would go on and on.
The most precious moment during
labor happened while mommy was sitting on a birthing stool wrapped in warm
towels. The lights were low and there were candles (flameless) light, the fire
was glowing and everyone was sitting in a circle. Jesus Paid it all came on the
playlist and daddy had them turn it up. The
room was filled with praises as we all started to sing. The pain was still
there, but the presence of the Lord was overwhelming.
Cortney came over and started to braid my hair. I began to cry as I thought back to how we
had longed for this day. Before I knew it I was sobbing. Mayanne asked why I
was crying, I am sure she thought I was in terrible pain.
“She wasn’t supposed to exist!” I exclaimed through sobs.
“What do you mean she wasn’t supposed to exist?”
“The doctors told us that we wouldn’t be able to have children” I
managed to sneak out.
At this point I know
Cortney was crying too because she spoke up and shared how we had been praying
for you and you were finally here.
Sometime after that I experienced a
shocking contraction in which my body heaved on its own, my contractions were
intense and I felt sick to my stomach. I
remember our Doula telling me at one point “I know it might not seem like it,
but there is a peace here”. But I felt the flood of fear coming over my body and I decided that I
wasn’t going to allow my body to get sick or heave like that again. And on my
own will my labor stalled. Mayanne brought me a homeopathic remedy to help
give me energy and hopefully cause my contractions to pick back up and I headed
back to the shower. Daddy sat outside handing me water and labor aid and I had
to face my fears.
As I was alone in the shower battling myself, Mayanne came to check on me. It was the first time I actually admitted that I was afraid. I was afraid that the contractions would get much harder, that I still had to go through transition. I was afraid that the pain would be like what you see on TV and I wouldn’t be able to handle it. Mayanne brought me another homeopathic remedy and said it would help with fear. I remember thinking she was just giving me sugar pills and telling me that they helped. But I knew that what I really needed was to trust the Lord. After all that is what He had been teaching me all through pregnancy. I repeated to myself over and over “God has not given me a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, love, and self-control” I cried out to the Lord and asked him to give me His strength and I told Him that I trusted Him. With the next contraction I let the fear go and I embraced the pain and I knew it was time to push.
I got out of the shower and waddled
to the bed with daddy’s help, stopping twice for contractions. Mayanne said she wanted to check and see that
I was completely dilated. Since my last check was at 11am we really had no idea
how far along I was. My instincts were right and Mayanne said that I could
start pushing whenever I wanted. It was 10 pm. After a few pushes on the bed we
decided that it wasn’t the best position and Mayanne had us change things up.
Daddy squatted; leaning against the bed and mommy did the same bracing herself
against his knees for support. With one push you were crowning. It was amazing
how my body would follow my lead as I pushed it would respond with a
contraction. Within a few minutes your head was out, followed quickly by the
rest of your little body. You were born at 10:15 pm. Words cannot describe those precious moments as daddy and I both wept
for joy and you were placed on my chest and the three of us embraced. We
spent time loving on you as you took your first breaths, admiring your little
hands and toes. You were so alert. We waited for the cord to stop pulsating;
giving you the last bit of good blood and then daddy cut the cord. The Lord
truly blessed us with you and we thank Him each day for knitting you together
in mommy’s tummy, growing you strong and healthy, and bringing you safely into
this world. You are a tiny little miracle and the Lord has a plan for you. We
love you so much! Happy 1 month baby girl!
Love,
Mommy
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